The Cost of Being the 'Strong' One.

There is a belief many male leaders carry without even realising it, and it is the idea that they have to be the 'strong' one. I am not saying women do not experience this and all the associated burnout, but with my male clients I have seen this in my coaching space all year, and I helped to unravel the costs of this one fundamental belief.

Beneath this conscious or unconscious belief sits a huge desire to deliver and to please, because yes, even men carry this. The emotional toll of those drivers is real. Many arrive not only tired but tired, snappy and unhappy, unsure how to reach and respond to the team in front of them. Everyone around them is complaining about them, and everyone is struggling to reach them. Why? Because the 'be strong' driver comes with a huge defence mechanism that keeps most people at bay.

The world is changing shape, and men are increasingly told they must change shape with it, to be more open, more emotional, more vulnerable. What I see is a huge willingness to do exactly that, and often a lack of space and the tools to figure out the how.

This is where the coaching comes in. It offers a space, first and foremost, to sit without the outside pressures for long enough to unpick the inside ones. And then, secondly, a chance to explore what else might be available for them.

The results this year have been amazing, and at times moving. One leader described it like this: "The most interesting and rewarding part of the journey was the self-reflection and understanding how events in the past have such a big influence on my present personality. Knowing why I think the way I do allows me to draw on a much broader range of responses to best suit each situation."

Not everyone has the language for what they are going through. Often it shows up simply as being exhausted, scratchy and flat from the pressure, with a sense that there must be more available than 'pushing' through. This is the work I do one to one, with men and women both, and if you recognise yourself in any of this, I would be glad to talk about what a few sessions together might open up.